Alfie and George Read online

  ‘But it’s … it’s … enormous,’ I stammered, unable to take my eyes off the black-and-white patchy creature. I could feel my back legs trembling with fear, although the cow had turned away, flicking its tail and eating grass as if we didn’t exist. I was flooded with relief.

  ‘They’re harmless,’ she explained. It seemed I had a lot to learn about these farm animals.

  I gladly followed her away from the monster cow. It certainly didn’t look what I would call ‘harmless’.

  The rest of our trip passed without incident, although I felt as if I was more skittish than I had been when we set off. But it was also one of the best days ever. We romped through fields, found some lovely trees to admire and were not attacked by any other farm animals, although we saw some sheep and I thought that one of them seemed to take a fancy to Snowball. But they were the same colour and maybe she thought Snowball was a lamb. After all, as Snowball explained, sheep weren’t known for their brains. Not like cats.

  Later that evening I was having a catnap, curled up in front of the fire. I needed a rest after our expedition. Although I was generally an active cat I was totally worn out. Maybe it was the country air, whatever that was. Claire kept referring to it, so it must have some effect. Jonathan said it was ridiculous to have an open fire when it was so warm but Karen and Claire wanted it lit, as we didn’t have fires like this at home. I wasn’t complaining; I loved being toasty warm. Snowball was with Daisy, in her room, I think, and I must have nodded off as I started to slowly awaken to the sound of soft voices.

  ‘Are you sure?’ I heard Karen say. I opened one eye to see her and Claire sitting on the sofa.

  ‘Pretty much. I’m afraid it’s definitely the case.’ Afraid? What was this? As far as I knew all was well with my families.

  ‘Oh, honey, I am sorry, I don’t know what to say.’ Karen’s voice was rich with sympathy.

  ‘Well we have Summer and she’s perfect, even if she is a little diva, but you know I would have loved another child, and Jon would too, but it hasn’t happened. Our doctor has run tests, but it looks as if we’ve been blessed with the only child we’re going to have.’ Although Claire sounded a little bit sad, she wasn’t crying. I hoped that this wasn’t the start of something. I worried about all my humans, but Claire especially. After the dark times she had faced in the past I knew she was prone to sliding into depression.

  ‘But you had no problems with Summer,’ said Karen.

  ‘No, it’s just one of those things – nature. It’s funny, but with Summer I was so desperate to have a baby that I really got into a state before I conceived her, but now we’ve been trying for over a year and a half and I’m still quite calm. I guess I feel lucky having such a gorgeous little girl, and of course Jonathan, that I have to count my blessings rather than dwell on what I can’t have.’

  ‘Have you thought about IVF?’

  ‘I did do some research but I’m not the most balanced person and with the hormones and injections and stuff, I worry that I’ll become unhinged. Not to mention that it might not work, and would cost a fortune. No, I need to be a good mother to Summer, and with working part time now, I need to be on top of things. To be honest, I’d love to adopt a child, but Jon’s reluctant.’

  ‘Adoption?’

  ‘Yes, my dad’s a social worker and I kind of always grew up thinking that giving a child a home would be a great thing to do. I hadn’t thought about it in years but when we found out we couldn’t conceive naturally, my mind immediately turned to adoption. But unfortunately Jon just doesn’t see it the same way.’

  I stayed perfectly still as I listened. Of course I knew they wanted another baby, and there had been quite a few hushed conversations behind closed doors, but because everything had been so good for us all, perhaps I had turned a blind eye to the struggles they were having. Or maybe I had been more caught up with Snowball than I realised …

  ‘Ah, the whole man thing, wanting their genes to run through the veins of a child.’

  ‘Probably, but he’ll come round, I know he will. We have so much to offer a child, I just need to persuade him that it’s a really good idea,’ said Claire.

  ‘You know how it is with men, you need him to think it’s his idea.’ They both laughed.

  ‘Glass of wine?’ Claire suggested.

  ‘Why not? We are on holiday after all.’

  As Karen and Claire drank their wine I marvelled at how far Claire had come. When I first met her she had been a mess – divorced, heartbroken, drinking too much and miserable. But now she was so happy and not even this setback, something that would previously have threatened to derail her, could defeat her. She wasn’t a victim anymore, and I was so overjoyed that I jumped up onto her lap and touched my nose to her hand. I wanted her to know how proud I was of her.

  ‘Oh, Alfie, I love you.’ She kissed the top of my head. I snuggled into her, thinking that this holiday lark wasn’t bad at all. Despite the monster cow.

  Chapter Three

  This holiday was making me love Snowball even more. Before we left Edgar Road, both cars full of cases and me in my cat carrier in one car, Snowball in the other, I wouldn’t have thought it possible to love her more. Yet I did. Spending this time away together, away from the day-to-day stresses of Edgar Road, had brought us even closer.

  If cats could get married like humans, I would have married Snowball in a heartbeat. I knew it wasn’t possible, but when I told her as we lay by the fire she said it was the most romantic thing she had ever heard. Which gave me an idea. As a very organised cat, I do like to make plans, and I thought that in order for us to always remember this holiday, the first one we’d had together – and also the best holiday any cat could ask for – I would plan something for us.

  The humans were going to the beach for the day. They had packed up lots of food, fussed a lot, and made it seem as if they were going for days rather than a few hours. Finally though they left the house, and Snowball and I were alone. I wanted to have a lovely day with her, and that meant being brave, bold and taking a risk. This cat was ready to do just that. I wanted to put a smile on Snowball’s face and for us have a day we would both remember. Of course, I wasn’t sure where the day would take us. When we went out the other day, we hadn’t ventured too far. We still didn’t know the area but I figured if we headed towards the big farm there would be lots of fun to be had. I outlined my plan to Snowball. We would leave the garden – hopefully avoiding the giant cows – and explore the luscious green fields that led to the big hill. Once at the top of the hill we would admire the views that our families had been talking about. I thought if we just headed off in one direction we would be fine, there would be no way we’d get lost. In fact, I was quite excited and feeling adventurous.

  ‘I love it, Alfie. Although I thought you were still worried about the cows and getting lost?’

  ‘Not me,’ I replied, with more bravado than I felt. I just hoped those cows would keep away.

  When our families had finally piled themselves into their cars and driven off, Snowball and I finished our ablutions and got ready for our own adventure. My legs were almost trembling with excitement; I just knew we were going to have the best day ever.

  We headed towards the farm, greeting the hens as if we were old friends. They wobbled their heads and clucked but weren’t very interested in us. I don’t know why I was ever scared of them: they were quite sweet really. We watched them for a bit before heading off. Before too long we came across a field with incredibly long, green grass. It was even taller than us. We made our way into it, and at one point I couldn’t see Snowball at all.

  ‘Yowl!’ She jumped out at me and I almost fell over.

  ‘Yeah, nice one, this is meant to be romantic – not scary,’ I pointed out, smoothing my fur.

  ‘Sorry, Alfie, I couldn’t resist. This grass is the longest I’ve ever seen. It’s so much fun! Come on, let’s go.’ She started running and I joined her. We ran through the grass, letting it tickle o
ur fur, until we emerged on the other side of the field. I felt invigorated as we looked around, deciding where to head next.

  ‘Let’s avoid that way. Remember those sheep? I really think that one wanted to kidnap me,’ Snowball said, looking a bit worried.

  ‘As if I would ever let them do that,’ I replied, with a raise of my whiskers.

  ‘Alfie, would you ever want to live in the country?’ Snowball asked as we trekked through another field.

  ‘I don’t know. I mean … it’s very nice. But it’s quiet. And all these animals … I’m not sure it’s for me, to be honest. I’m a Londoner through and through.’

  ‘When we lived in our old house, it was a bit like the country, but not as much as this – it was far more built up. I think it was a nice compromise.’

  ‘I know you miss your old home, Snowball,’ I said, trying to be understanding and not feel hurt. You see, I didn’t like to think of Snowball before me. It sounds silly but I felt jealous that she had a life that didn’t have me in it.

  ‘I do a bit, but I would never want to go back, not without you, Alfie.’ I felt my heart melt as I looked into her beautiful eyes.

  A big black cloud loomed, interrupting our moment.

  ‘Oh no,’ I said, as I felt a drop of rain land on my nose. It seemed to have come from nowhere. Just a minute ago we had been enjoying the sun on our fur.

  ‘We might have to make a run for it,’ Snowball shouted, as rain started to patter all around us; neither of us liked getting wet. As Snowball bounded off I followed her, not thinking about where she was going. After a bit of a run we came across a building and hurried inside. There was straw on the floor; it was a bit scratchy, but at least we were dry.

  ‘Thank goodness, Alfie,’ Snowball said. ‘It’s a proper rain shower out there.’

  ‘But what is this place?’ I asked.

  ‘Some kind of barn.’

  ‘Oink.’ We both looked up to see a group of fat, pink pigs moving towards us. They shuffled and snorted and didn’t look very friendly. Five of them descended, all pink skin and rounded bellies. Although they didn’t move quickly, as they banded together I could see we were in trouble.

  ‘Oh dear,’ I said, as Snowball and I backed away, until we were huddled in the corner of the barn.

  ‘Pigs seem very mean,’ Snowball said, not reassuringly at all. ‘I’ve never been this close to any but I’ve heard all sorts about them. Apparently they eat anything and everything.’

  ‘Which could include us …’ We were literally backed into a corner. They were coming closer, heads shaking a little, feet stomping beneath their immense weight. They looked at us with hungry eyes. Snowball cowered behind me. We were going to be pigswill at this rate. I had to get us out of this mess. After all, I was the tom here. I took some deep breaths, trying to calm myself down even though the animals were almost upon us.

  ‘OK, they aren’t as big as cows. How about we run through their legs?’ I suggested. Although I was terrified, I couldn’t see another way out.

  ‘We could try, but look at those feet, the weight they carry. I wouldn’t want to get trampled under them.’ Snowball shivered. We were both cold and scared. This romantic day wasn’t turning out quite how I had expected.

  ‘I know,’ I said, ‘but look, we have no option – they look like they want to eat us!’ I tried to be the man of the relationship – the pigs were only inches away from us. I had to act, so I sort of pushed Snowball a bit and then darted between the legs of the nearest pig, looking behind to check she was following.‘Come on, Snowy, it’ll be fine,’ I encouraged, as one of the pigs gave an angry snort.

  Snowball didn’t hang around; she ran for it and joined me. The pigs looked a bit confused but luckily their bulk slowed them down as they tried to come after us. We were far quicker and after a couple more pig-dodges we emerged triumphant, relieved, and thankful to be safe. The rain had eased off and was now more of a drizzle.

  ‘Shall we risk going back home in this?’ I asked.

  ‘Best do, I don’t fancy my chances with those pigs.’

  ‘You’ve been so calm around the farm animals so far,’ I pointed out. Snowball looked even more terrified than I felt.

  ‘I know, but pigs … As I said, I don’t have much experience of them, but I’ve heard things.’ Her eyes shone with fear.

  ‘They did look as if they’d be happy to eat us both.’ I looked around so we could start our journey home and my heart sank yet again.‘Snowball?’

  ‘Yes, Alfie?’ She was trying to clean some straw from her fur.

  ‘Which way is home?’ I asked. She stopped what she was doing and looked at me. I stared glumly back at her. I had no idea where we were.

  ‘Oh no, we were in such a rush to get out of the rain, I didn’t even notice which direction we were going,’ she cried.

  Could this day get any worse? I looked around again but all I could see were fields. Fields in all directions – and they all looked the same. We were well and truly lost.

  As we discussed what to do next, I led us to a nearby hedge so at least we could shelter from the rain while we argued.

  ‘I think we just head off and hope for the best,’ I said.

  ‘Great, Alfie, you always have a smart plan and now you’re saying that we just head off with no idea where we’re going,’ Snowball snapped. I knew she was cross but I felt that was unfair. It wasn’t just my fault we were lost after all. I was nestling further into the hedge when something – or rather someone – stopped me, and I found myself nose to nose with a rather large, shabby tabby.

  ‘Hiss,’ he said.

  ‘Hello.’ I kept it friendly. He was much bigger than me after all. That said, I liked to pride myself on staying trim and taking care of my appearance, and the same certainly couldn’t be said for this cat.

  ‘Who are you?’ he asked.

  ‘I’m Alfie and this is Snowball. We’re on holiday with our families.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous, cats don’t go on holiday.’ He grimaced, showing quite sharp teeth, and for a moment I wasn’t sure if he was going to attack. I tried to keep calm, my ears moving sideways with nerves and my tail swaying. I wasn’t an aggressive cat but I did have my girlfriend to protect.

  ‘I know it’s quite strange, but honestly we are,’ Snowball replied, stepping forwards. The tabby took one look at her blue eyes and white fur and immediately preened himself, sitting up straighter and waving his tail in a friendly gesture. A bit too friendly, if you ask me.

  ‘How are you doing?’ he asked, grinning. ‘Let me introduce myself. I’m Roddy and I’m a local resident. I’m sorry if you think me rude but, well, I’m not used to visiting cats.’ He blinked at Snowball, which is our equivalent of blowing kisses. Just who did this Roddy think he was?

  ‘We live in London,’ I replied haughtily. Anyone who thinks that cats don’t flirt should have seen him as he stretched out his paws and wrapped his tail neatly round his body. I decided he was too big and scruffy to be considered good-looking, which was a relief. I, with my blue-grey fur and svelte figure, was often complimented on my handsomeness. In any case, I was pretty secure in my looks and I knew Snowball was loyal, so I tried to relax a bit.

  ‘London, you say? Well I don’t know anything about that.’ He was looking directly at Snowball.

  ‘The thing is,’ Snowball said, a little bit too flirtatiously, ‘we’re a little lost. We tried to shelter from the rain and ended up trapped in a barn with some rather unfriendly pigs and now we don’t know how to get back to the holiday house.’ She tilted her head, and I saw that already Roddy was smitten.

  ‘Where are you staying?’ he asked, puffing his chest out. ‘I’m a bit of an expert on these parts.’

  ‘A big house,’ I replied, not exactly enjoying this exchange, though I acknowledged he was probably our best hope.

  ‘That narrows it down,’ he said sarcastically.

  ‘Well Roddy,’ purred Snowball, stretching out her paws, ‘it’s n
ear the farm, we have hens on the edge of the garden and there’s a field of cows directly in front of us.’

  ‘Ah, I know where you mean. Right, city cats, follow me and I’ll have you home in no time.’

  Despite us getting a bit wet and being a little bit stressed from our adventure, Roddy got us home safely, and although I was still a bit annoyed at his flirting with my girlfriend, I thanked him graciously. I was relieved. As we left him at the door, he was still marvelling at how odd it was for cats to go on holiday.

  The fire wasn’t lit as the house was empty, but it was warm as we lay down in front of it to dry off. I decided that, as our romantic trip had been my idea, I would be magnanimous.

  ‘I’m sorry that our day went a bit wrong,’ I said, nuzzling into Snowball’s neck.

  ‘And I’m sorry I snapped. I was just scared. But you took care of me, like always,’ she said, returning the nuzzle.

  ‘Well, it was Roddy who saved us,’ I pointed out.

  ‘Maybe, but you’re my hero, not him,’ she said, and I couldn’t have felt happier.

  The door opened and our families, dripping wet, walked into the living room.

  ‘Let’s light the fire and get ourselves out of these wet clothes before we catch pneumonia,’ Karen said.

  ‘Look at those two, just relaxing by the warm hearth while we nearly drowned on the beach,’ Jonathan said, getting the kindling into the grate. With our eyes half closed, Snowball and I grinned at each other. How little they knew.

  Chapter Four

  ‘Hope it hasn’t been too boring for you two,’ Jonathan said, as everyone breakfasted together on our last full day of the holiday.

  ‘Nah,’ Christopher replied.‘It’s been good.’ He looked a bit sheepish, but then he was a teenage boy and apparently they are all somewhat monosyllabic.

  ‘I’ve enjoyed doing nothing,’ Daisy answered.‘If it all goes to plan I’ll be busy with work when we get back.’

  ‘According to Polly, you’re going to be the next Kate Moss,’ Claire said.